I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around,
and don't let anybody tell you different

-Kurt Vonnegut

Welcome to what once was Judge Jonathan. This blog is dead. Please click here to continue. (Or here, if you really insist.)


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Suck Natalie's... well see for yourself

Okay, let's do a little quiz, shall we? Here's the situation:

You're a young, aspiring actress/singer/Hollywood socialite who wants to break free from her girlie reputation. You want to prove to the world that you're all grown up. "Girl, you'll be a woman soon"? Hell no. You wanna be a woman now. What do you do?

a) You make a homemade porn movie with your 30-year old boyfriend and appear seminude in print publications (or at parties) around the globe. All in an effort to to make people forget how ugly you are.

b) You declare that you are now "Dirrty".

c) You marry your high school sweetheart, divorce him after 48 hours, then marry a guy who has a pregnant girlfriend and isn't able to tell celebrity photographers from opera singers.

d) You let Tom Cruise knock you up.


e) You appear on Saturday Night Live and make fun of all the above and your own good-girl image. How? By appearing in a rap video and explaining that you want "to drink and fight". And to "fuck all night". And that anyway, while you were in Harvard, you "smoked weed every day" and "cheated every test". So "suck my dick".


a-d: You're one of these girls. Get out of my sight.

e: You're Natalie Portman:
-->Saturday Night Live: A Day in the Life of Natalie Portman <-- (link to video - see it to believe it)

--- Previously:
-I'm still gonna marry her
-Open Letter to Katie Holmes
-Supermen, Princes and Parises

No comments: