Every blogger knows that checking your referring links can be quite hilarious.
Still, I'm not sure I was prepared for this: I knew people liked Usher for other things than his music, but that someone would be so blatant about it in their Google searches... well see for yourself.
Let me start this post by saying that I generally have no problem with Jehovah's Witnesses. After all, my favourite artist just accepted his NAACP lifetime Vanguard Award with the words "awards are cool - but all praise and glory is due to the true God, Jehovah".
Having said that, I do have a problem with people who say or write stupid things, and I tend to use my weblog as an outlet for my frustration with their stupidity.
Which brings me to the pamphlet we received from those friendly Jehovah's Witnesses a couple of days ago. Among other things, it raises the important question: "Is the Bible Really God's Word?"
A matter of historical debate? Not anymore, it seems! The JWs have found a historical source which proves beyond doubt that the Bible is, in fact, God's Word. And that source is - you guessed it - the Bible.
"The Bible itself clearly says: 'All Scripture is inspired of God' - 2 Timothy 3:16"Can't argue with that.
Some of you may have noticed that my ‘Welcome to Judge Jonathan’ text has been replaced over there on the left by a killer quote of my favourite author, Kurt Vonnegut. (Don't worry, it'll be back at some point - it's too cool for me to delete it. And you all know I'm too cool for school.)
Anyway, a couple of days ago, my flatmate asked me if I had a good book for her – she was bored. I took out Cat’s Cradle without really thinking too much. It had been, I believe, almost two years since I had last read it. When asked about my favourite Vonneguts, I always used to mention Slaughterhouse 5 and Hocus Pocus, but somehow failed to mention Cat’s Cradle. God knows why I forgot just how amazing this book is - but as my flatmate chuckled, giggled and shook her head in amazement at how an author can tell what is essentially a most depressing story about the human condition (and which involves no less than the end of the world) so light-heartedly and with so much humour and - and this is what makes Vonnegut great - sheer absurdity, I remembered that this one is definitely up there with Vonnegut's best.
Now I had planned to give you a long description of the book, and get out twenty quotes from it to prove my point, but I do understand the limitations of blogging - there's only that much you can make your readers (provided you have some) do. So instead of overdoing it (and possibly ruining the book for you if you do decide to read it at some point), let me leave you with one simple quote. It's a little childish poem Vonnegut put into the mouth of a LSE-educated calypso singer-turned-guru named Bokonon. (Tell me that character alone isn't genius.)
For me, this short poem manages to describe in a few words our eternal quest to understand what is around us, to understand the world - when we all know, deep down, that we will never be able to, because our human brains try to trick us into believing there is a purpose, a meaning, for all of it. Evolution made us smart enough to suspect that all life has no purpose; but just as our brains will never fully be able to grasp the concept of infinity (or, for that matter, the true implications of a finite universe), we will never be able to fully realize what it means to live in a world without meaning or purpose. We can rationalize it; we will never understand it. And that, in a nutshell, is why man invented religion, ideologies, and perhaps most of all, I'm afraid to say, science.
Tiger got to hunt,
Bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder, "Why, why, why?"Tiger got to sleep,
Bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.
See? Now I did write half an essay on this book. Ah well, I can't help myself. Final thought: Read Cat's Cradle, or at least the Books of Bokonon (especially the final sentence).
Any good President knows there are subtle differences between two countries, even if they're in the same region. Dubya, for instance, is well aware that just because something might be good for one state - say, Lebanon - that doesn't mean you should go around applying it to other places (did I hear someone say 'Iraq'?).
So it should come as no surpise that W the Wise dropped the following while urging Syria to withdraw its forces from Lebanon:
"I don't think you can have fair elections under foreign occupation."
Just yesterday we had a bunch of JWs knocking on our door. They asked my flatmate why she thinks there is so much evil in this world, to which she replied, in an equally philosphical manner, "Uhm, I'm just on my way out to university now".
If the same thing happens to you - and I sure it will at some point since, after all, "every year, Jehovah's Witnesses devote more than a billion hours to witnessing personally to others about God's Kingdom" (according to the pamphlet they kindly left us with) - here are some more suggestions. Found here.
How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (immediate results)
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha & Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) ...and don't come back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls. (booky, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearfull confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)
7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9. (males only) Feign an intense interest in their speil. Part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosery, a dress, the whole works. (make encouraging noises [uh huh, I see...] throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7) If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
JJ is back with some random updates on this thing called he likes to call his life.
Benji (whose blog seems to be deserted) is was heading back to the airport as we blog.
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(UPDATE 23/3:) An hour after I posted this, I got a call from the B-Man. Yes, the six Swiss kids had managed to miss their flight, and needed a place to crash for the night. No problem, I said, I was just about to start doing some actual work. Please come and distract me (no irony here!). They came, cooked, watched my favourite movie and left early. EasyJet, by the way, wasn't able to offer them another flight to Basle until Friday, so instead they're flying to Geneva today and taking the train from there. Wer's nöd im Chopf hät...
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He and his five friends - one of whom is apparently none other than the mysterious 'A' on Tobistar.com; small world eh - joined me in doing what every good student should do after the last day of term: party. Yes, I'm officially on vacation now (hence the lack of posts recently). Of course, vacation means nothing more than having the freedom to come into the library a bit later. Why is that, you ask?
Well, the LSE on Friday published its Summer 2005 examination timetable. Holy shit. Turns out my exams will be almost a month earlier than I had expected. Which basically means two things:
a)I have 8 weeks to write a 10'000 word dissertation and prepare for four exams. Which really means I should start dealing with proper IP (International Politics) as opposed to the kind of I&P (intoxication and procrastination) I have been engaging in since last October.
b)Consequently: see post title. Or, if you're too lazy, I'll spell it out for you. I am F-U-C-K-E-D.
"What do you do for recreation?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. Bowl, drive around, the occasional acid flashback."
More randomly generated quotes from one of the greatest (and most quotable) movies of all time here.
(I'm talking, of course, about the Coen Brothers' masterpiece, The Big Lebowski.)
While I'm at it: a challenge to all Dude wannabes (hg?). Now you can find out who your really are:
Which Big Lebowski Character Are You?
Don't be shy - post your result in the comments box.
Oh, lastly, please do enjoy this movie with a White Russian, the Dude's favourite drink. Af for any other substances the Dude enjoys, I'm afraid my lawyers (even a Judge has lawyers) are advising me to make use of my right to remain silent.
"The Dude abides."
What is this? Am I actually established enough as a blogger to introduce the world to someone new?
Apparently. And this is not just any old blogger. It is a man who has previously written for esteemed publications such as The Beaver, and has sent off at least one application for a job with the FT.
Seriously though, let's admit it: this blogosphere we live in is riddled with boring people who write boring things. So you really should thank me for pointing you to a man whose posts will actually make me want to come back for more. This man is, of course, the Spindoctor, and his blog is called Web of Spin.
See for yourself - the man is only just getting started and he has already written posts titles such as "Introductory Bullshit", "On Bullshit", "Alcohol", and, erm, "Bodily Fluids". Sounds promising to me! But be advised - to quote the Doctor himself:
If anyone is offended by anything I write here...tough shit. Like our esteemed mayor Uncle Ken, I make no apologies.Web of Spin: http://webofspin.blogspot.com
In Lugano wird eine Synagoge angezündet, und die NZZ bringt den Artikel unter 'Vermischtes'.
Vielleicht sollte jemand der NZZ-Redaktion mitteilen, dass Lugano noch im 'Inland' liegt. Antisemitismus, so wenig die NZZ dies wahrhaben will, scheinbar auch.
I don't need to tell you how brilliant (to use a very British term) The Onion is; I've done it before, and you all should know it by now.
What I am going to do is tell you that those good folks at what they rightly call 'America's Finest News Source' might, in addition to being highly intelligent humourists, soon prove to be prophets. Time will tell...
The Onion: Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We'll Go Through Iran'
(...)Bush said the U.S. Army, which deposed Iran's longtime enemy Saddam Hussein, should be welcomed with open arms by the Islamic-fundamentalist state.
"And Iran's so nearby," Bush said. "It's only a hop, skip, and a jump to the east."
(...)
"The fact is, we've accomplished our goals in Iraq," said General George Casey, the commander of coalition forces in the Iraqi theater. "Now, it's time to bring our men and women home—via Iran."
(...)
"The plan also includes a minor stopover for refueling and provisional replenishment in Syria," Casey said. "But I don't expect we'll need more than 50,000 additional troops for that stretch of the Iraq pullout."
(...)
Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Hoseini-Khamenei welcomed the exit plan.
"Let the Allied armies come to Iran," Khamenei said. "I believe I can assure you that, if they do withdraw here, their brothers-in-arms in the Islamic Republican Army, the Revolutionary Guards Corps, the Quds special forces units, and the Basij Popular Mobilization Army will no doubt do everything they can to make the troops' trip back home memorable."
Also in this week's edition: Reality TV, Reality Unfair to Blacks
According to a study released Monday by the Center for Media and Social Research, the reality-TV genre is unfairly biased against black people. The study revealed that reality is unfair to blacks, as well.
(...)
The study [detailed the story of] Chicago resident Shonalda Brown, 11, who has lived in crime-ridden public housing her entire life, and was raped at the age of 5.
"Like reality TV, reality is a discriminatory institution that is unfair to the black community," [study director Simon] Rosemead said. "Only 14 percent of the black population has a bachelor's degree, and there has never been a black bachelor on TV's The Bachelor."
What the hell are you waiting for? Subscribe to The Onion's newsletter already ("It's like having an e-mail friend who won't write back"!).
That's my musical equation.
If I had to choose two contemporary pop artists who deserve the title "genius", I think I'd have to say Stevie Wonder and Prince. And I'm pretty sure that's not an uncontroversial choice, either.
So imagine my delight when I heard Stevie Wonder's new (unreleased) single, "So What The Fuss" (RealAudio here). A couple of seconds into the track, Stevie says "Prince, pop it!", and the listener is treated to a funky guitar lick.
Now since we're talking about Prince here, there is obviously no confirmation - apart from the funkiness - from any official source (i.e. the NPGMC) that the guitar player actually is Prince. However, semi-official reports did confirm last week that Stevie Wonder was part of an all-star band that jammed with Prince & The NPG during Prince's '3121' Oscar afterparty. Other band members included Herbie Hancock and, apparently, Matthew McConaughey on the congas (picture that).
If Stevie is one of the 'old friends' we were told about a few weeks back, then 2005 is looking to be one hell of a year.
What happens when you put two former US Presidents in an airplane with only one bed? Well, according to CNN, this:
Clinton allowed his predecessor, (...) Bush, to sleep on the plane's only bed while he stretched out on the floor.
(...)
Bush, 80, said Clinton offered ahead of time to give the older former president the bedroom so he could lie flat and avoid paining his body. Clinton, 58, decided to play cards in the other room that night.
The next morning, Bush said he peeked in and saw Clinton sound asleep on the plane's floor.
"That was a very courteous thing, very thoughtful, and that meant a great deal to me," Bush said.
Makes sense to me. After all, Clinton did owe Bush sr. for taking away the presidency from him back in 1992. I guess one good night of sleep means they're even now.
I have mentioned elsewhere that I have ophtalmologists in my family, and that I sometimes spend my holidays in the Middle East.
Just in case you were making strange connections though - I have nothing to do with a certain eye-doctor-turned-Middle-Eastern-dictator-under-pressure:
Cartoon by Ha'aretz.
If you should be studying right now, do not read this post.
Mousebreaker is, I assume, responsible for thousands of high school and university drop-outs. Here's the game I'm wasting my time with at the moment: IQ. (No, it's not a Scientology thing.)
And last year's favourites, which probably cost me a couple of marks in every exam: Heli Attack 2 and Blast Billiards.
Click on above links at your own risk.
I've just about recovered from my extended birthday weekend, and I'm ready to blog again.
As for topics (other than Prince presenting the Best Song award at the Oscars; and my general disappoinment with this year's Academy Awards - my future wife should have won), the LSE kindly provided me with an excellent one by inviting none other than the Russian Foreign Minister, Sergey Lavrov. He arrived straight from the conference on strengthening the Palestinian Authority and spoke for no more than 45 minutes before he rushed off to his next appointment. Still, he managed to say more than a few interesting things in the process.
What surprised me most was how, from the very beginning, Lavrov struck an extremely defensive tone about Russian policies. There seems to be a strong feeling within the Russian foreign policy community that Russia is being portrayed unfairly throughout the West (and in Western media in particular). Now I wouldn't deny that many of us in the West aren't exactly fond of Putin's rule - justifiably, I think - but there are a number of countries whose image in Europe, I would argue, is much more one-sided and less well-balanced than Russia's (the US, anyone?).
Obviously, the Yukos affair, Putin's recent reform of the way local governors are elected (or now, appointed) and the issue of freedom of press in Russia, all of which Lavrov defended at great length and with great skill - he nearly had me convinced for a second - have been widely criticized in the West. But I would have expected more of a 'none of your damn business' attitude from the Foreign Minister of the world's largest country. Offering so many excuses when accused of something - especially when nobody actually asked, or expected, Lavrov to do so - usually only suggests that something is fishy.
Another interesting point Lavrov mentioned, and one I expected him to talk about much more, was the Russian emphasis on the international nature of Chechnyan terrorism. The aftermath of September 11th, of course, irreversibly changed the way Western governments refer to the Chechnya issue, and Lavrov built on that. He made several references to Osama bin Laden and pointed out that it was as impossible to negotiate with Chechnyan terrorists as it was to negotiate with al-Qaeda. The convergence of American and Russian interests on the anti-terror front is clearly important to both sides, and both Putin and Bush seem happy to let each other fight terror in their 'neighbourhoods' - within limitations of course.
Needless to say, this doesn't apply to Iraq, and Lavrov made a striking comment on Bush's vision of a democratic Middle East - without, of course, mentioning any names:
"We don't believe in the export of democracy, just as we don't believe anymore in the export of revolution."
Strong words there. Almost 15 years after the collapse of the Soviet Union (which, according to Lavrov, was not the product of the USSR 'losing' the Cold War, but rather a "historic choice of the Russian people"...), Russia appears to be on the one hand strangely self-conscious about how she is perceived around the globe, but at the same time quite ready to engage in a constructive if heated debate and cooperation with the rest of the world.
